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We went slowly in developing our relationship and making things "official. So in the end I ended up a broke waitress -- just like in the beginning. A little bit of truth had made me feel special. Although all my past relationships had been abusive, as strange as it sounds I knew where I stood with them -- they never pretended to be anything else. So the next time I spoke to him I brought this up in conversation. But I had already been conditioned to please, so I allowed this. And I must warn you, it contains graphic sexual violence. Only a few days after I turned 18, I contacted as many porn producers as I could, looking for work. Moving forward to when we were "official" for a few months But like with anything, you always get a few rotten apples! After he left, I discovered that he had used my laptop to view porn and dating sites. He would say, "When I see you, I want you to have my full attention. He said, "You are stunning, but not my type. I would also restrict my amount of food to lose weight. I found out months later that he had taken Viagra to be able to perform. Which was never returned, so he was a restricting partner physically.
Of course it did the trick! I was paid extra because I looked younger than 18 and had a size 32A chest. Although all my past relationships had been abusive, as strange as it sounds I knew where I stood with them -- they never pretended to be anything else. A little bit of truth had made me feel special. But if you had just scratched the surface, beneath it you would have found a little girl longing to be loved -- a little girl that had never been valued and had her emotional needs met. I would see him once a month, but he would never invite me to his house if he had something better to do. They told me that's what the industry wanted, but later insisted that I get breast-enhancement surgery. They gave me what they called a "safe-word," but I was so confused and worried about my body that I couldn't remember the word. I personally wasn't a porn star, I was a young girl in love with someone extremely addicted to porn, from the time I was 18 years old to I noticed something while performing sexual oral pleasure. I think the scene included maybe 7 or 8 men, but it felt like He then said, "I want to see you again. I found out months later that he had taken Viagra to be able to perform. The story is long, but I feel it is important to tell the whole story, so you can understand the impact porn has had on my life. After he left, I discovered that he had used my laptop to view porn and dating sites. I was signing contracts without reading them, because all I cared about was the money. And I found out to my cost that X was rotten to the core! And I must warn you, it contains graphic sexual violence. At the time I didn't know that this man had a history of treating his partners badly, although I never heard it was physically or sexually. But like with anything, you always get a few rotten apples! It grossed me out and freaked me out. I ended up paying back some of the producers in order to have them remove my videos from their websites. And although I told him I didn't want to hear it, he continued anyway! I had just left a very long-term relationship with a man that was mentally and financially abusive. Thank you so much for reading. Do you want to see me?
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